Let’s talk about something sneaky your brain does without asking for your permission: ingroup bias. Ever heard of it? Basically, it’s your brain’s way of picking a team and sticking with it—right or wrong. It’s a survival mechanism designed to foster loyalty and protect the group. In remote tribes, this instinct helped ensure survival by strengthening bonds and defending against outside threats. But in the world of chronic illness, it can create a whole lot of unnecessary division.
Diagnosis = Instant Team Membership
When you get a diagnosis—especially something like ME/CFS, FND, Fibromyalgia, or Long COVID—it’s like getting sorted into a Hogwarts house, but way less fun. You take that label, start researching, and inevitably find “your people” in online groups, forums, or social media spaces. Sounds good, right?
Well, yes… but also no.
Because here’s where ingroup bias kicks in. Just like ancient tribes fiercely protected their own, you start seeing your condition as the condition. The real one. The worst one. The most misunderstood one. And suddenly, every other diagnosis? Questionable.
Ever seen people arguing that Long COVID isn’t ME/CFS? Or that FND isn’t real? Or that fibromyalgia is “just” pain and not as bad as other conditions? It happens all the time. People get so wrapped up in their diagnosis that they start tearing down others—sometimes even people with extremely similar struggles.
The Power of Groupthink (And Why It’s Dangerous)
Psychology shows that people naturally follow strong leaders. This was something that really struck me when I read Canoeing the Congo by Phil Harwood. He describes how the villages he encountered were only as friendly—or hostile—as their leaders. One moment, he was welcomed with open arms; the next, he was nearly killed. Why? Because people take cues from authority.
Illness communities work the same way. If the dominant voices in your space are hopeless, bitter, or convinced that nobody ever recovers, that mindset spreads like wildfire. But if the group is hopeful, open-minded, and focused on solutions? That energy is contagious, too.
So, if the group you’re in is negative and convinced recovery is impossible, guess what? You’ll probably start believing the same thing.
"I do believe there's good and bad in all of us, usually expressed through patience, compassion, empathy and unselfishness on the one side, and impatience, cynicism, paranoia and anger on the other."
Phil Harwood. goodreads.com
Don’t Get Stuck in a Box
If you want to improve your health, here’s the best advice I can give you: surround yourself with people who are improving.
Find the groups that are sharing wins, learning new things, and supporting each other in a positive way. The ones that aren’t obsessed with proving they have the “worst” condition. Because let’s be honest—no one wins the “who has it worse” competition.
Your brain naturally follows the energy of the group. If you’re constantly surrounded by negativity and hopelessness, you’re going to feel worse, more stuck, and less likely to try new things. But if you spend time with open-minded, hopeful people who are actually improving? You’ll start seeing possibilities for yourself, too.
Bottom Line
Your brain wants to be part of a group. That’s just how we’re wired. But you get to choose which group you follow.
Pick the one that’s moving forward—not the one that’s stuck. Because at the end of the day, it’s not about the label. It’s about finding what works and getting your life back.
References
Brewer, M. B. (1999). "The psychology of prejudice: Ingroup love or outgroup hate?" Journal of Social Issues, 55(3), 429-444.
Harwood, P. (2013). Canoeing the Congo: The first source-to-sea descent of the Congo River. Eye Books.
Haslam, S. A., Reicher, S. D., & Platow, M. J. (2010). The new psychology of leadership: Identity, influence, and power. Psychology Press.
Tajfel, H., & Turner, J. C. (1979). "An integrative theory of intergroup conflict." The Social Psychology of Intergroup Relations, 33-47.
Van der Kolk, B. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. Penguin.
Wessely, S. (2021). "Long COVID: An opportunity for the science of fatigue to regain its strength." BMC Medicine, 19(1), 37.
Yehuda, R., & LeDoux, J. (2007). "Response variation following trauma: A translational neuroscience approach to understanding PTSD." Neuron, 56(1), 19-32.
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